Blessings of Equine Friendship
When it is a reasonable idea to buy a horse for your daughter
Six years ago my husband casually began the following conversation:
“Our neighbor told me that some local kids are selling their horse. The price seems reasonable and it would really make our daughter happy.”
I remember turning to him in surprise, trying to gauge from his expression how serious he was. But the street lights didn’t reach into the car to touch his face. I sat back reflecting how just the other day I had firmly told my kids that our fish, hamsters and cats were enough pets and that they would have to find other homes for the puppies they found. Owning a dog entailed too much responsibility, too much work, too much mess. And now my husband was introducing the idea of bringing a horse into our family? Our daughter had been asking for a horse since she was four, and while buying her a special present for her upcoming bat mitzvah was reasonable, a horse was out there in fairy tale land, the kind of dream that most little girls would have to keep alive till they were old enough to buy their own.
The next day my husband joined me on a short walk on the grassy hill near our house. We saw the white horse tied to a tree in the distance. “So,” he began again, “others have shown interest in buying the horse. We need to give an answer soon.”
We didn’t allow ourselves time to mull over all the cons, like the fact that we had zero experience caring for a horse and no clue as to the amount of work required to keep it healthy and happy. As we watched the beautiful creature peacefully grazing we reflected on our 11 year-old daughter who was struggling with school, had no motivation to study, yet had a deep love for horses which we have nurtured through riding lessons and summer horse camps; who was learning for her bat mitzvah, but had no outlet to develop a real sense of responsibility. Having a horse was cheaper than therapy, we reasoned. But we realized that the longer we thought about it, the lower the chances we would go through with it …
My husband took out his phone. “So, should I tell him we’ll take the horse?”
We spent more time choosing tiles for our kitchen than we did deciding about the horse.
We could not wait to surprise our daughter. We introduced them later that day. She stared wordlessly at her own horse. Blinking, and then blinking again to see if he was still there. Then a smile of disbelief started and expanded to include us all.
As I reflect over the past six years, do we regret our hasty decision to bring this horse into our family?
On the contrary, this feisty horse was like a fertile soil that allowed our daughter to bloom in strength, motivation and responsibility. She named her horse Cabernet since he loved munching on the deep purple grapes that cover our hill from late summer until the rainy season. Day after day after week after month after year, between the extremes of scorching heat and freezing rain, she brought him food, groomed his sleek white coat and mane, cleaned out his hooves, carried away buckets of manure from his stall, carried buckets of fresh water to him when he grazed on a nearby grassy hill, rode him along the many paths that branch from our house through the countryside… She even rode him bareback during our rare winter snowfall. Bareback became her preferred way of riding him for a closer feel of merging into one being.
There were early mornings following late nights when she reluctantly crawled out of bed to care for this horse who depended on her to show up. Other family members stepped in to help out when she went on overnight trips, but the bulk of the responsibility rested on her.
She learned to handle Cabernet in all his moods, whether stubborn, wild or friendly. There were days she came to me in tears with a bruised foot from a hard hoof, or a pinched hand from an impatient nip, or a beating heart after he reared and took off at an uncontrolled run. At those times I questioned our decision to pair up this powerful horse with our lightweight daughter, and I jumped into the pool of “what if” scenarios. But my daughter would stand strong and with determination seek guidance through books, videos and experienced horse teachers for new ways to relate to her horse, her favorite being the Parelli Natural Horsemanship method.
I no longer question our impulsive decision, for I can clearly see the strong correlation between her improved horse riding skills and her great leaps forward in her studies, grades, self-confidence and love of life. And I feel a stronger connection to her through all the hours I have stood by her side as we cared for her horse together.
This horse has been a blessing, a source of friendship and solace for my daughter for most of her teen years.
But now she has graduated high school and is moving down a path leading away from her horse to start a year learning and working in a different part of the country. She decided to donate him to a high school farming community that offers horse therapy to troubled teenage age girls.
My daughter loved her horse deeply and thus feels the deep sorrow of parting ways. Though difficult, I see how she embraces the earthy depths of both emotions and continues to bloom and grow.
